The Clown Kidnapper
by SilverMoonlace
Summary: (companion fic to NSAN)(one-shot) Kuroko was kidnapped by a clown then stuffed in a van in the middle of practice. Now Seirin can't help but play hero and chased after them in a fire truck. "Follow the lunatic in a van!" "How many vans do you see on this road, Bakagami!"


**Note: I don't own anything other than the plot and yadda, yadda, yadda. Anyway, you might be confused since the title can be read in two different ways. It could mean than some loony nutjob kidnaps clowns or the kidnapper is a clown. I'm rooting for the later; who would want to kidnapped those creepy things anyway?**

**Important: This is only a companion fic to my other one-shot, Not Some Average Nobody. The events here are only mentioned there and TCK can be read alone.**

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><p><strong>The Clown Kidnapper<strong>

"So you thought that I was kidnapped by serial killer dressed as a clown and chased after me in a fire truck?"

They all nodded.

And Kuroko gave them a look that clearly says: "You've got to be kidding me."

Now let's rewind how they got into this predicament in the first place.

* * *

><p>It was some time after lunch break on a Saturday afternoon when Riko decided to give the team a break from their (torturous) practice they had since five in the morning at their school. Despite winning the Winter Cup, they couldn't let their guard down. Who knew when the next match with the Kiseki no Sedai would happen? Certainly not them.<p>

Riko blew on her whistle. "All right! Everyone, that's enough. You can have a 15 minute break"

The team cheered as they stretched their sore muscles and caught their breath. Kuroko wasn't faring any better; he had to keep himself from tripping on his feet because he couldn't feel his legs anymore.

"Kuroko!" Kagami called as he jogged to where Kuroko was standing then noticed his wobbly legs. "Need some help?"

Kuroko almost snorted but chose not to. Do they really think that he has _that _low stamina? Well, he probably does but Kuroko would never admit it. "Of course I don't, Kagami-kun. For the record, my guns actually improved and became larger." He said with a straight face while flexing his arms.

And that was where Kagami snorted. "You don't have any."

"Oi, freshmen! You're not supposed to ignore your senpais, brats." Hyuuga yelled who was walking to the shadow and light duo along with Izuki and Kiyoshi. They couldn't blame their captain being in a bad mood; they found out that he had to attend remedial classes since Monday because he flunked two major quizzes (which he blamed on basketball and extra-curricular activities but, of course, wouldn't complain if he doesn't want the devil incarnate at his throat ) which caused him to lose a lot of sleep for two days. Hectic schedule + less than 2 hours of sleep per day for 5 days + "annoying" team mates + Riko's torture + Hyuuga = Special Edition Extra-Clutched Mode Hyuuga Deluxe with fries.

Kiyoshi, being the ever cheerful and laid-back Kiyoshi (may his soul be blessed before Hyuuga kills him), laughed merrily and clamped the hot-headed junior on the back. "Maa, maa, don't be so uptight about the little details, Hyuuga! You've got to have more fun and smile more; you wouldn't want to have wrinkles before you're 18, ne?"

"And that's not a long way from now!" Izuki piped with a grin.

Hyuuga smacked Izuki on the head. "Aho!"

"Ne Kuroko! Someone's looking for you!" Furihata, one of the freshmen trio and benchwarmers of the team, suddenly called from the gym doors. "He said that it was urgent."

"Hai, I'll be there," Kuroko answered then looked at Hyuuga and the others. "Is it alright if I go for a few minutes?"

"Just don't take too long or I'll personally hunt you 'till the ends of the earth," he answered. Kuroko involuntarily shivered which, thankfully, went unnoticed.

"It's alright Kuroko. Like Hyuuga said, just don't take too long," Kiyoshi said with one of his signature goofy smiles.

"You should ask kantoku first before you leave," Kagami added while dring his face of sweat.

Izuki nodded. "Yes, you should or else you won't _live_ once you _leave_."

Hyuuga struck the puns master on the head (may be read with or without sarcasm) once more, but this time harder. "One more and I'll kill you!"

While Hyuuga was almost strangling Izuki to death, Kuroko slipped away unnoticed to Riko to the other side of the gym. He could still hear Kiyoshi's care-free laugh and was sure that Kagami was still standing there and watching on the seniors awkwardly. The seventh-man knew that the tiger wasn't (and still isn't) good with social interactions. Kuroko sighed. His partner truly doesn't have a life outside of basketball. Poor, poor him (again, with or without the sarcasm).

He neared the female coach. "Kantoku, can I go out for a moment? It's seems that someone has to meet me now at the moment though I'm not sure who it is."

Riko stopped writing the team's (torture) training menu for the following week to meet the freshman's eyes and gave a nod of approval. She smiled at him (which may or may not have evil intent on their, quoting Riko, "poor, lost, wandering souls that I have taken under my wing in my quest for glory") "It's alright, Kuroko, but be quick and come back once you're done; we'll have a team mixed practice match in about five minutes."

Kuroko nodded in understanding. "Hai, kantoku, it won't take too long." He said and walked out of the gym. The moment he stepped outside and closed the double doors, he immediately headed for the path that goes to the school buildings so that he would easily be seen. He scanned his surroundings for the person who wanted to meet him, but found none. "Maybe he asked for the wrong person and went away. After all, a lot of people probably have the same name as I," he muttered to himself. '_But that's very unlikely_,' he subconscious mind whispered to him. '_There are more than a three million people in the world; it's not impossible_," he rebutted in his mind.

While Kuroko was having a mental war with himself (he does that all the time), he didn't noticed that a guy with a big red nose and silly shoes was creeping onto him. He was grinning and was holding a large burlap sack enough to hold a tall enough 12 year old inside. '_I finally tracked him down after observing his schedule for a week! Took me a long time waiting for him to be separated from the others_,' he said to himself and his grin became larger, '_Oh well, it's still worth it though_'.

Kuroko felt a large hand suddenly covering his mouth a let out a strangled scream. A handkerchief quickly covered his eyes and he felt himself being stuffed into a bag of sorts which Kuroko deduced was a used potato sack. '_Why a sack of all things?!_' he thought incredulously and felt insulted, not minding the fact that he was lifted off the ground and was being jostled.

The kidnapper let out a sigh of relief that his plan actually worked. He couldn't feel his victim moving or panicking though he already probably knew who he was. '_I have hell to pay for later_' he thought while hurrying to his vehicle in front of the school gates.

* * *

><p>Back at where the team was, everyone was waiting rather worriedly and impatiently for their youngest player. He hasn't come back for almost ten minutes.<p>

"Where is he? Freshmen these days are disrespectful to their seniors by making us wait like this!" the bespectacled captain said. His words may seem rough and uncaring but he was actually worried. They knew that Kuroko wasn't one to make people wait for him without good reason.

"Where is he? He was supposed to be here more than five minutes ago!" Riko said worriedly while her eyes where darting to the gym doors continuously.

Kiyoshi had on a strained smile; he knew that it wouldn't do good to panic if it was actually a false alarm. "He probably just went to the bathroom or a teacher asked for his help or something. He'll be back soon"

"But he's not one to just go and not tell us," Izuki rebutted.

"He's right. The kid's too nice for that, right, Mitobe?" Koganei asked the silent giant who nodded in agreement.

"Ugh, where is he?!" Riko exclaimed then suddenly pulled down Kagami by the collar of his shirt, "You're his partner; where's Kuroko?"

Kagami almost fell down when Riko pulled him. She might be a girl but she's _that _strong. Probably because she practically lived in a gym since the day she was born. "How should I know? Izuki-senpai and the others were with me when he said that he has to meet some guy; why am I the only one you're asking?" he retorted. The red-head really doesn't like it when they blame him for Kuroko's sudden disappearances however rare they were. He made a mental note to give him knuckle sandwich later.

Riko let go of Kagami's collar and shrugged sheepishly. "Well, it makes sense to ask you since you two are classmates and whatnot."

Kagami snorted. "Besides the fact that I've known him as long as you guys, I don't have a Kuroko GPS in my head. Look, I'm gonna check for him outside. Wait here."

Riko nodded. "Be sure to come back with him in at most five minutes or the two of you'll have triple training"

Kagami shuddered at the thought. Scratch that, he's definitely gonna make Kuroko pay hell for this. "The things I do for that midget," he grumbled under his breath while heading for the doors.

The moment he opened them, he saw a fully dressed clown with a sack over his shoulder hastily leaving for the school gates. '_Did the teachers have a party or something_?' he thought. His eyes wandered to the guy's retreating back then to his makeshift backpack and that was when he saw it. A few strands of blue falling out of a small hole on the sack. It was barely noticeable but it stuck out like a sore thumb. Kagami immediately knew what it was- or rather, _what_ it was: _Kuroko_.

"Oh son of Ahomine," he cursed under his breath then sprinted back into the gym.

* * *

><p>The clown wiped the sweat off of his brow once he closed the door of his van. He was aware that his make-up was peeling off, but he didn't care. That can be fixed later on. '<em>But this little detail here can't be fixed without blue<em>,' he thought while glancing at his prize resting at his backseat. He frowned then sighed.

"But first he needs to rest," he said to himself then sped off.

"What do you mean he was kidnapped?!" Riko yelled.

"It means exactly what I said! I saw some guy- a clown- carrying a sack. I was about to tell you that Kiyoshi-senpai was probably right when I saw blue sticking out of the thing," Kagami answered impatiently. He was waiting for action and was no secret that he was worried for his partner. '_Great. Just great. Who did he manage to piss off this time_?' he thought while re-counting the number of times the kid almost got himself beaten up or killed by some gangster if it weren't for him or Seirin and probably the Generation of Lunatics. Uncountable.

Izuki looked a bit doubtful. '_Can Kuroko actually be fitted into a sack?_' "Maybe you saw wrong, Kagami. It could be a blue thingy for his job or-"

"It was baby blue hair"

Izuki stopped and his doubts suddenly disappeared. '_How many other people in Japan has blue hair?'_ "Alright, sacks of potatoes be dammed. The kid really was kidnapped." He said without hesitation and he knew that the whole team agreed with.

Koganei nodded grimly. "Ok, let's call the police and-"

"Aho! By the time those lazy nutjobs arrive, Kuroko might actually already be in another country!" Hyuuga shouted.

Riko nodded then crossed her arms. "Right. Who knew what the lunatic might do to him? He might be a serial killer or a murderer!"

"So, does this mean that we have to follow him?" Fukuda asked meekly.

Riko shook her head. "No, not all of us. We need people to stay here in case something happens. Freshmen trio, Tsuchiuda," she looked at them with a stern eye, "I'm counting on you."

Tsuichuida nodded for the four of them. "Hai, kantoku"

"Alright team, move out!"

* * *

><p>The man was humming to himself in tune with the radio music while tapping on the steering wheel. He was waiting for the green light. He glanced to the backseat. Kuroko was still sleeping.<p>

The light finally turned green. He was about to start the gas when he saw something rather curious to find in the middle of the road. He shrugged it off.

"The kids probably started a fire while I was gone," he commented nonchalantly. He stepped on the gas then drove to their destination.

* * *

><p>The team burst out of the gym in time to see a van driving off the school's front parking lot.<p>

"Kuroko's in there!" Kagami shouted.

"What?! How are supposed to follow them now?" Hyuuga exclaimed and threw his hands in the air.

Kiyoshi patted his classmates back even if he himself is also at loss on what to do. "Don't worry; we'll think of something"

"Actually, I think I have an idea," Koganei said with all seriousness. "Does anyone here know how to drive?"

* * *

><p>Koganei quickly led them to some part of the school to the east. He wasn't sure if his plan was going to work, but this was for Kuroko. They need to save him no matter what, even if they need to drive a fire truck. He hope that the freshman from America wouldn't back out once he find out what it was he needed to drive.<p>

"You want me to drive a freaking fire truck?!" Kagami exclaimed incredulously once he saw the vehicle. "Do you want us to be jailed by the police once they find out that we stole a government vehicle?!"

Koganei sighed. He should have expected this. He was about to rebut that they weren't going to steal it when Izuki beat him to the punch.

The raven haired whistled. "Wow, that's uncharacteristically deep for you Kagami. But anyway," "Oi!" "it we're not going to _steal_ it, we're going to _borrow _it. No one would notice since the fire department left it here for a fire drill presentation here on Monday. Everyone would just think that they took it back for a few hours for duty."

Hyuuga looked a bit doubtful. "But what if people from the fire department notice?"

Riko grinned widely and put her hands on her hips. She definitely was in this. "Then we'll just say that the school parked it in a better hiding place so that it'll be a surprise on Monday."

Kagami swallowed. "I still don't like this"

Riko hissed at him. "Don't be a sissy, Bakagami. This is Kuroko we're talking about for heaven's sake!"

"Yeah, and driving a fire truck is a once in life time opportunity, Kagami. I heard that you wanted to be a fireman, right? This will be a good experience for you then" Kiyoshi added with a bit of uncharacteristic mischievousness. Riko really was rubbing off on him.

Kagami wanted to shot back that this was not a good idea but thought better of it. Tiger or not, going against the devil herself was definitely suicide.

'_I'm definitely going to kill you for this, Kuroko_'

* * *

><p>"Where are we?" Kuroko asked sleepily.<p>

"We're still on the road, Tetsuya. You can sleep for about 20 minutes more."

Kuroko nodded absentmindedly. "Hai. Please wake me up when we're there." He said then fell asleep while leaning on the car window.

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><p>In the end, Kagami couldn't drive the thing because the only thing he drove before was a "plain old jeepney. And Alex was there stepping on the pedals. The only I can do is steer."<p>

Hyuuga "volunteered" after Riko gave him a short but meaningful glance that said: "If you don't drive that thing, I'm gonna blackmail you and that the world will know that you still sleep with your teddy bear from nursery." How he understood that, no one will ever know.

They were driving through the road that the kidnapper probably used as reference to what Kagami remembered seeing.

They were giving up hope fast. They were on the road for nearly ten minutes now and they still found no sign of a clown driving a van, though there were countless of those vehicles around them. They didn't notice that people were giving the truck funny looks. Thank heavens for tainted windows.

"We shouldn't give up hope; Kuroko might still be on the road," Kiyoshi said, trying and failing to lift up the mood.

Riko ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. "We probably should have called the police. The kidnapper can be anywhere now," she said dejectedly.

Kagami was about to agree when he caught sight of something colorful in the window then followed by a blue. _Baby _blue.

"I found them! Follow the lunatic in a van!" Kagami suddenly shouted which alarmed the others.

"How many vans do you see on this road, Bakagami?!" Hyuuga shouted from in front of the wheel.

Kagami had to suppress a groan. Here they were driving a fire truck in the middle of the road and trying to follow a van with a clown seating shotgun that kidnapped a teenager with almost no presence and the driver had the guts to be sarcastic when one of them screamed eureka. Ha. Ha.

"Just follow the white Honda with a graffiti design on the backside. You won't miss it"

Hyuuga's lips formed an 'o' when he saw it.

"You sure it's not a false alarm, Kagami?" Koganei asked. He didn't want to lift up his hopes for nothing. Mitobe felt the same and "said" his concern with gestures.

Kagami grunted, "How many painted faces do you see driving a van?"

Kiyoshi thought for a moment. "I may not have seen the guy but Kagami has a point"

Riko clapped her hands twice, "Enough chit chat," she ordered then grinned widely. "Everyone, we have a clown to catch."

* * *

><p>"What in blazes?!"<p>

He noticed it when the fire truck was going through the same three turns he did. At first, he brushed it off, but when it followed him for a fourth time in another turn, he knew he was being tailed. He was sure of that since he knew where the road was going to and he heard no news of a recent fire. In hejuuvah's name, it wasn't even using its siren! But for whatever reason it was tailing him, he definitely has no idea.

He immediately stepped on the gas.

"I don't want to be kidnapped by lunatics driving a fire truck," he muttered under his breath.

* * *

><p>"The lunatic driving the van's speeding up!" Kagami shouted.<p>

Hyuuga grunted, "He probably realized that we're following him."

"Then turn up the speed Hyuuga! We can't afford to lose him," Riko shouted from the back.

"What do you think I would do? Slow the freaking death trap down?" Hyuuga muttered.

"Did I just hear you say something, Hyuuga?" a _sweet _voice called from behind him.

"Nothing! I said nothing!"

"Good. Now step on the gas or I'll be the one who's going to step on you"

"Hai!"

* * *

><p>Sighing with relief, the clown parked the van in front of a house. He managed to shake the truck off his tail when he sped up and didn't manage to catch up to him.<p>

"Tetsuya, we're here"

Kuroko woke up from his seat and stretched his arms and legs. He saw the man getting off the van. He was about to do the same when suddenly-

"We finally caught the creepy clown!"

'_… what?_'

* * *

><p>"You sure that he's going stop at the next curb, Riko?"<p>

Riko snorted. "Of course. I'm seldom wrong when it comes to things like this, Teppei"

'_Things like what?_' Kagami thought incredulously.

"Anyway, let's get off of this thing and follow him on foot so wouldn't be suspicious," Riko said.

They all got off the fire truck after Hyuuga parked it in an 'unsuspicious' spot. They walked to where they saw the van turned a corner and lo and behold, Riko was right.

"Alright guys, we'll go through the plan once before we execute it," the coach said them motioned for them to come closer and form a horizontal line with her in front.

"Kagami, Kiyoshi, have the kidnapper in a hard grip once he gets off. Hyuuga and I are going to get Kuroko along with Izuki; Hyuuga, you open the door. Koganei and Mitobe, seal the possible exits. We can't afford any mistakes. Is it clear?" the others nodded. "Okay, let's move out!"

All seven of them went to their respective positions. Kagami and Kiyoshi standing near the van and acting like 'normal' teenagers, Hyuuga, Izuki and Riko were crouching at the back of them van, and Koganei and Mitobe were standing at the side and hiding in the trees.

The moment that the clown got off the vehicle, Riko mouthed a 'go' to the Kagami and Kiyoshi and they went into action.

Kagami quickly restrained the guy's hands from behind (who was too shocked to move) and Kiyoshi had a firm grip on his left shoulder. Kogenai and Mitobe jumped to the side.

"We finally caught the creepy clown!" Koganei cheered.

"We're not done until we get to Kuroko!" Riko said while Hyuuga was heading for the car door.

Hyuuga sighed in relief. '_The_ _craziness is finally over_' he thought. He was about to stretch out his hand to open the door, but the person inside beat him to it. And it hit him literally on his face. _Hard_.

They were surprised when Kuroko jumped down the van and asked in the plainest voice they heard, "Minna, what is going on here?"

Hyuuga was ready to hit his head on the van when he heard the question. First, they followed some creepy guy in a fire truck then second, he got his face hit by a freaking _car door _that he was supposed to open and his nose felt like hell then person they were risking their lives for asked what in 'freaking hell was happening' (according and rephrased by Hyuuga). '_Indeed, what in freaking hell is happening?_' he thought bitterly.

"Kuroko-kun, you're alright! Are you hurt anywhere?" Riko asked the teen worriedly.

Kuroko looked at her quizzically. "Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"What do you mean 'why wouldn't I be'?! You were freaking kidnapped, dammit!" Kagami answered hot-headedly from where he was restraining the clown.

The clown's eyes widened then chuckled to himself, '_They thought I kidnapped Tetsuya?'_ "Kids, I think we have a misunderstanding,"

"Funny hearing that from a kidnapping murderer dressed as a clown," Kagami muttered sarcastically.

Kuroko felt his eyebrows twitch a bit, but he was feeling grateful inside. He never knew that his team would actually follow him if they saw him being kidnapped. He really does have great friends. "No, I think you really misunderstood minna. He's my uncle Takeharu"

"EH?!"

Takeharu chuckled while freeing himself from Kagami and Kiyoshi's slackened grips. "That's right. Sorry for the trouble kids, but I had to 'kidnap' Tetsuya for my daughter's birthday party. She really wanted to see her 'Tetsu-nii' as soon as possible"

Their eyes widened when they realized that he was right. They were in front of a house decorated with balloons and streamers. And all the kids' eyes were on them.

"Ah, is that so?" Hyuuga scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "We're sorry for that, Takeharu-san. We're really sorry"

Riko bowed deeply, "We're really sorry for the inconvenience!"

Takeharu laughed. "That's alright, kids. And since we're here, who wants some cake?" he grinned.

* * *

><p>Kuroko closed his journal and placed the pen on the side. He wrote what had happened that day with the Seirin team explaining their side of the story and Riko holding him in a Boston Crab hold for not telling them on the phone in the first place.<p>

"I wish we can have more days like this," Kuroko said to himself wistfully as he readies himself for bed. "Ah, but tomorrow's also definitely another day. Nothing ordinary ever happens in Seirin." He said then he flicked off the lights of his bedside lamp.

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><p><strong>AN: I might add an omake later on, but definitely not today. By the way, I'll post another companion one-shot next week for NSAN. **


End file.
